Workplace bullying - where does the problem actually lie?
Is it an individual problem with bullies or lack of assertiveness and being a victim on your part?
So, I am enjoying a coffee with a friend and I tell him about this blog. His interest turns into anger which bubbles over. His view is that being nice is so under rated and people see it as a weakness – a balance of power shift. Bullying in his mind is a term that is far too loosely used and manipulated, always to fit an agenda.
The stereotypical image we hold of a bully often takes us back to school days. I remember Adrian M wielding his power over me and many of my peers in the playground. More recently the term “adult bullying” has been coined, especially in the workplace. In fact the study of school bullying has gone on for over three decades yet there have been few academic studies exploring bullying at work. Due to lack of legislation it is hard to knuckle down actual incidences.
The workplace is an ideal backdrop for emotional battles to be fought be it verbal, exclusion, intimidation or blackmail. Often done intentionally and sometimes perhaps not – emotions get projected onto other workers.
Rayner and Hoel (1977) have gone so far as to group workplace bullying into categories:*
Threat to professional status – belittling
Isolation – preventing access to opportunities and withholding information
Overwork – unrealistic deadlines
Destabilization – failing to give credit
Bullying incidents within organisations often see individuals leaving with the added cost of further recruitment and training. Bullying makes up part of the area of workplace stress. Certain models of stress, such as the transactional model, view stress as a dynamic process between persona and the environment.
In looking at the person and environment there is a shift as to where the problem actually lies? We often explain our own negative behaviour with reference to our environment, others and our circumstances, as being the result of our own internal characteristics. (otherwise known as Attribution Theory.) Is it bullying that you are experiencing or does the problem lie with you?
Do you allow others to constantly take advantage of you in the workplace? Are you consistently doing extra work for a colleague or taking on the perpetual errands? Being the “yes man" can poison relationships – even cause internal conflict resulting in passive behaviour like stress, anger, want of revenge and victimization.
Learn to say “No” and be assertive. All these behaviours have been Iearned and you can re-train your brain to unlearn some of these habits. You can say “no” to some requests out of your remit or simply prioritise them.
Your time matters - don’t undervalue it. People that take advantage of you will constantly tell you that what they have to do and their time is more important.
Set some Boundaries - be polite yet direct when declining requests. Establishing limits to protect yourself will help you but also others to become more self-reliant.
Making these changes is a conscious decision and may seem like uphill all the way at first, but you will begin to see small improvements over time. Being assertive, not aggressive, is viewed as healthy communication. When you are able to communicate your feelings to others, you may find you gain confidence and self-esteem. This will lead to earned respect, improved communication and overall job satisfaction.
By: Leigh McKay
@workwisely
*Applying Psychology (2003) Nicola Brace and Helen Wescott
